If you’re like most people, you don’t have to blame yourself when things go wrong. There is no shortage of people who will be glad to do this for us.
But blame is a dangerous game.
It does not have a positive outcome.
Dale Carnegie famously started his human relations rules with “don’t criticize, condemn or complain”. If we could do only these three things in life, we would be so much happier.
But accepting the blame of others must be stopped and we’re the only ones who can stop it.
It isn’t their right to do it and it’s not our obligation to accept blame.
The number one way to run down self-esteem is to be the target of blaming comments – often emotional — from others.
A trick that I use is to think of my ears attached to my brain as a digital recorder.
When blame is leveled, I re-record over the blaming statements as soon as I can.
Example of a blaming statement:
“If only you would have listened to me, blah-blah-blah” (you know the drill).
“I always make an attempt to listen to others”.
The brain is the most powerful ally we have to prevent the dysfunction of others from being destructive toward us.
One more thing.
Not being willing to be the target of blame does not mean that we cannot be better, but as Dale Carnegie said criticism never, ever works.
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