How To Get Someone To Stop Texting

If Dale Carnegie is right about one more thing, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Dead for over 50 years, this unique human being and author of How To Win Friends & Influence People never goes out of style even if the stories he tells in his book are a little long in the tooth.

“Ask questions instead of giving direct orders”.

A study published in the September Journal of Experimental Psychology involved 9,000 commuters on the Bay Area Rapid Transit.

They tried two different signs to see which one would make the commuters take the stairs.

One sign contained a question that said, “Stair climbing improves your health. Will you take the stairs?”

The other sign was a command that said, “Stair climbing improves health. Take the stairs”.

The command got a more immediate impact.

Asking for cooperation got the best long-term cooperation.

Different types of communication are appropriate for different situations.

In general if we want to win cooperation, it is better to ask for it.

Take it to the USC classroom where I started each semester by pulling my iPhone out of my pocket and saying, “Would you mind if I left my phone on? I won’t take calls or answer texts while I’m teaching unless it’s urgent. Will you do the same for me?”

I never had a problem – ever – with a rude student on their digital devices.

So they could answer a text, but applied judgment.

They could step out and answer a call if they deemed it necessary. Usually, they didn’t.

Instead by asking for cooperation, you usually get it.

So I’m glad to see more research evidence and thought you’d like to know about it.

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They’re Even Bullying Supermodels Now

Take Kendall Jenner, the beautiful model from the Kardashian family.

Two other models took exception to the way she looked while having her hair done for the Donna Karan show during New York Fashion Week recently.

One sarcastically said, “she’s never looked better” with a laughing emoji.

Another said, “That’s f*cked up” with more laughing emojis.

Look at the picture.  You be the judge.

KJennerThe Ford Agency that represented one of the bullies walked it back as a silly comment but only after it went viral as some kind of damage control.

Kendall Jenner has been the target of many bullying attempts that goes to show that even the beautiful are made to feel ugly by not so nice people.

How bad is cyberbullying?

When I was in high school, one guy always used to call me a “bucked teeth duck” every time he saw me – in the hall on the way to class, or walking into class in front of everyone.

It was bad enough to deal with his hurtful comments then just at school.  I can only imagine what it would have been like to have that comment reverberating all over social media.

By the way, I ran into this bully at a class reunion.  We did not speak.

I just smiled so he could see my beautiful white television-ready veneers.

Where is social media when I need it?

The scourge of this great social media revolution is haters and bullies who use something good to hurt people from the safety of their digital devices.

Then, like now, the answer is to push them back.  A bully always runs.

The best revenge is living well and being happy.

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Cindy Crawford Did More For Body Image With This Photo

The 48-year-old wife, mother and supermodel allowed this photo shoot image of herself in a bikini to be seen unretouched.

People in Hollywood know that lighting and makeup are an actor or actresses’ best friends.  They are, after all, human and look like humans most other times.  But while they are sensitive to how they look in their profession, our society is too fixated on looks all the time.

Cindy Crawford

That’s why Cindy Crawford allowed her real tummy to show.

I wish I could give the same compliments to Marie Claire magazine, the publication that now stands by the photo.  But someone other than Marie Claire leaked it.  What’s important is that Cindy Crawford stands by it and that’s the right thing to do.

It’s okay to have a belly that jiggles.

Dimples and reminders of childbirth.

Today a lot more women are proud of their bodies because Cindy Crawford is proud of hers.

We can keep it going.

This is a lesson worth learning and teaching to those who look to us for guidance about how to be authentic in more than just words.

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Brian Williams and Second Chances

Popular NBC news anchor Brian Williams is disgraced for lying about his participation in covering wars and tragedies like Katrina.  Banned from the air and public appearances at a financial loss of $5 million.

And soldiers who were actually in harm’s way are angry with him, as they should be.   So much so, they outted him.

Now top-rated Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly is fighting off accusations that he misrepresented his wartime reporting.

Everyone lies.

But the problem with lying is that when we do a lot of it, the lying seems real and distorts reality.  We believe our own lies.

Ever notice that even when a liar is caught dead in its tracks — they still seem to be in deep denial because they actually believed the lies that they were telling.

The best reason for not lying is a good memory is not required.

The truth will come out each and every time as it is.

So the issue is not whether Brian Williams or anyone else caught lying deserves a second chance but whether they’ve learned the lesson that the more you lie, the more it seems truthful.

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  • Bill O’Reilly only needs to pull out the 33 year-old video for all to see the truth, as he did recently. Or he can have his old boss vouch for him, as he did recently. The people who are making these accusations are getting more attention on one night on the Factor, then in their entire career. So Jerry, to be clear, NOT everyone lies.

The Best Way to a Person’s Heart is Through Their Ears

It is no accident that marriage counselors have their work cut out for them when couples show up with issues.

Almost always – one of those problems is a lack of communication.

So, counselors do what they can to get both sides to communicate effectively and honestly and learn to listen to what is being said.  Often it is too late.

I thought the way to a person’s heart was through their stomach.

Not quite.

Or passion.

That, too.

The best marriage advice I ever heard was “learn to be a good listener”.  Some people are born with this skill.  Most of us have to work on it – if we’re smart.

Being a good listener doesn’t mean not having an opinion.

It doesn’t even mean agreeing or giving in.

The heart can only feel what the senses arouse and one of the best – if not the best way to stir up feelings of love is to learn to listen.

Some thoughts:

  • Wait until the other person stops speaking, pause a beat (a few seconds or more) and then talk.
  • Respond — don’t react.  Reacting is what buys us even more trouble.
  • The goal is to learn how to recap the essence of what the other person is saying from their point of view.  Then ask them if you basically heard it right.  Even if you are close, they will be pleased.
  • Often our inability to be a good listener comes from our family of origin so rise above your childhood to acquire this awesome skill.

My best friend was so good at listening that when we were having lunch and were interrupted by the waitress in mid-sentence, I forgot what I was saying but he remembered in great detail or as he liked to say “JD, when you speak, I listen” and indeed he did.

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