Responding to Insults

First instinct might be to hit back.

Then the insulter wins on a TKO.

Don’t react under any circumstance.

Insulting people are button pushers.  They will keep trying until they can get a rise out of you.

Cut off their oxygen.

There can be no insults if you won’t stand for any of it.  And if they said something that lit your fire, spend your time putting out that fire and putting distance between you and the person who is hurling insults your way.

Permanently avoid people who won’t stop insulting you.

If you won’t stop the abuse, no one else will or can.

Avoid firing a zinger back.

Your satisfaction will be short lived and you will become more like the person you dislike instead of the one you want to be.

Fix the damage.

It is more important to undo the damage from a hurtful remark or barrage then it is to insult the other person back.

Without oxygen, the insulting person will have to find someone else to pick on because it won’t take long for them to realize you’re not going for the bait.

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Your Worst Idea is the First Idea

The reason so many meetings go off the tracks so quickly is because participants are lucky to contribute one idea let alone two.

And how that idea is received has a lot to do with whether others in the group will contribute or whether you will dig deeper to offer a third or a fourth.

Brainstorming experts know this which is why they welcome all ideas – even seemingly bad ones, odd and funny ones – because the real nectar comes from getting to the seventh or 11thor whatever it takes.

But the same is true of when we tackle problems personally.

The best solution is rarely the first one we come up with.

Pause, reload – try a second.

No benefit of rushing to judgment.

In solving problems, you can’t come up with the best idea until you’ve been able to exhaust all your ideas.

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Living in a Polarized World

What are you for?

Not what are you against.

The world now is a constant restatement of what people are against followed by a criticism of the person who said it.

If we keep up like this whether it’s caused by politics or social networking, we’re going to be very unhappy.

Living in a world where we lead with what we’re against or don’t like, the fix for it is to become more proactive about saying what you’re for.

Don’t like someone’s politics, what is yourview?

Social media making you nuts because it is forcing people into accepting new norms or correctness because they are popular and/or spreading rapidly?

Take your stand independent of reacting to others.

Reacting never works.

Responding produces better outcomes.

Listen. 

Respond, don’t react. 

Stand by what you are for even more than what you are against.

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Joy

Isn’t joy really what we live for?

Studies show the average American working couple is happiest when they together earn $70,000 annually and even a little more does not make them happier and a lot more makes them – are you ready – unhappier.

How could that be?

The worst kept secret is that money can’t buy happiness.

But happiness is so vague.

Drill down on the word.

It’s joy that makes life worth living and even in hard times there are always things that bring us joy.

Except …

We humans just move on to the next problem.

Suggestion:  don’t postpone joy.

Spend time with it whether what brings joy is major or something minor.

Nothing else is required.

Do not postpone joy.

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Alone Time

Sadness is okay.  It means we’re human.

Even depression is survivable as long as we continue to get up each morning and deal with the problems that face us.

There are more books on happiness and more on depression than ever before.

Why is that?

Today’s world is fast and furious.

Courtesy and civility seem as if they are not valued.  Dale Carnegie is not only turning over in his grave but spinning.

We are constantly in touch with something – anything – everything at our fingertips.

Alone time is hard to find and when we get it, a phone should not be invited.

People who walk, run, get outside with nature alone often appreciate themselves more and those around them.

Here’s where it’s good to be selfish.

Value alone time and use it not just with some form of entertainment to keep you busy but to do nothing but think, be grateful and thankful for all your problems.

As I’ve mentioned before, when I gave each of my Dale Carnegie students a card to list their three biggest problems anonymously, after trading cards they wanted their own problems back.

We may not love everything about our lives, but it is our life.

Getting in touch with yourself without distractions even in our busy connected world really helps to keep things in perspective.

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  • Thank you, Mr. Del Colliano!! I REALLY needed to hear this!!!