How to be Sincerely Liked

You hear more complaints than ever about haters, self-absorption, distraction and how negative life in the digital and social media age is becoming.

Can you name the person in your life who you never get tired of and who puts a smile on your face when you talk?

That person may have positivity in their DNA – the very thing we’re all attracted to but don’t get enough of.

We can be that person if we’re willing to take a few steps:

Greet people as if you are enormously happy to see them.

Focus on them, not you.  No weighing in with your reaction to everything they share. 

Acknowledge their pains and problems but always offer hope – humans need to have hope and if you provide it, you will not only be liked but be loved.

Interact with them not when you need something but out of friendship – just checking in.

Talk in terms of their interests not yours and don’t be surprised if they will return the favor.

To be liked is not about how funny you are or how successful.

Nor is it about how many friends you have accumulated.

To be liked, you must be that one person who can put your own needs aside for the sake of another.

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Can You Catch a Bad Mood?

Bad moods can spread by a process known as “social contagion”.

If someone else is in ill humor, you and those around them can also pick it up.

If any one of us is in a bad mood we can easily be contagious to the moods of others.

An examination of public health statistics also shows that helplessness and loss of interest can also be passed from one to another although not enough to influence depression.

The more people around you who are in a bad mood, the more chance you will catch it.

On the other hand, the happier people are that you are around, the better the chance that you will be happy.

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React or Respond

When we’re emotional or when our button is pushed, we react.

When we take even a few seconds to think and absorb what we’ve heard, we can respond.

Responding is preferable over reacting even though most of us react to things all day long.

A text message response is pounded out as an immediate reaction.  Same for email and social media.

Because we have the ability to communicate without having to think about what we’re saying, we’re doomed to reacting.

I knew a person who before the digital age, took out note paper every time he was angry with someone and in handwriting poured his feelings onto a piece of paper.

He then addressed it, sealed it and put it in the top drawer of his desk.

He told me that the next day when he reached in to mail it, he never sent the note that was his first reaction.  Instead, it went into the trash.

Today’s challenge is to respond thoughtfully instead of react emotionally.

And before today is over you will get many chances to practice.

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Feeling Left Out

Leaving a person out hurts.

It doesn’t matter whether it is a team project at work or a social activity with friends.

If you’re left out, the human tendency may be to strike back or say something that still won’t make you feel better.

A better solution is to not adopt this losing formula as part of your human relations tools.

If it happens a lot or causes anxiety, perhaps another friend would be a better investment.

When you feel slighted by a friend on numerous occasions, that friend should not hold that power over you.  Move on.

Every chance you get, make it your business to include others at work and in your life.

People who bring others together never suffer from a shortage of good friends.

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Caring

When you say you will do something and do it, you care.

You care when you give the gift of your time focused on someone who needs you.

Not giving advice means you care about the importance of another’s individuality.

Expressing love even if it isn’t in words is a powerful display of caring.

Being there at a difficult time.

Staying in touch – in person or with the sound of your voice on the phone means you care.

An unexpected text message.

Including someone in your group or activity.

Anything that says I will give to you without you asking means you really care.

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Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Read my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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