How to Forgive

It’s okay to be selfish in forgiveness — do it for yourself.

Indulge imperfections – no one is perfect.

Forgive before others seek it.

Seek forgiveness when it is due you.

Try to understand other’s actions.

Forgive gracefully without placing a burden on the forgiven.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting and it does not mean continuing to put up with abuse.

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Never Look Back

I grew up living next door to an amazing neighbor who just turned 93 years young.

I say young because she is unlike a lot of people many decades younger.

She drove until she was 89.

Lives in a retirement community now but not assisted living and told me she never looks back to miss the past.  She is blessed with good health or maybe her good health was a byproduct of how she lived.

Her advice:

Go with change.

Live with no regrets.

I told her I wanted to be her best student until it gets into my thick head to never look back, only ahead.

And coming from a 93-year-old, she is reminding all us that she and we have a lot yet to look forward to.

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Peak Loneliness

A recent study in the UK found that 35 is the age at which men feel loneliest.

9% of them said they have no friends at all.

Loneliness appears to be growing in all age groups and all countries.

A lack of face-to-face contact or voice contact is contributing to loneliness that many people don’t even fully realize they have.

It is hard to be lonely when we reach out to others.

Help someone else.

Break the ice, be first to converse.

Phone, don’t post or email.

Be a good friend to make a new friend.

Here is a low risk way to get started:  the first 20 people you see each day starting at home, with associates at work or even people you don’t know look them in the eye and say silently “have a good day”.  Non-verbal affirmations convey safety and friendliness.

Even if others don’t outwardly respond, you will feel better.

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Friends & Family

Dr. Amit Sood reminds us the person who can share their success with you without envy is your friend.

You will only have a few of these special friends in a lifetime.

We tend to limit our compassion to only a few people who are meaningful to us and connected to us.  Often they are genetically connected.

But everybody is your family.

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Gaining Control

The only way to gain control is to give up control.

This does not mean have no opinion or to agree with things you don’t believe in.

Let go of having to have your way even after you articulate it.

Practice giving up control by letting someone else pick the restaurant, get their way on a project or have their preference if possible with your calendar.

No one trait is shared by more people than the desire to have more control over their lives, their friendships and the way other people live their lives.

The epidemic of anxiety in people is directly tied to spending too much time trying to control outcomes.

If you consciously try not to be in control, you will live – probably be happier – and almost certainly shed anxiety that comes with having to spend so much time getting your way after you have your say.

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