Fixing Broken Relationships

Most relationships are and have been broken at some point.  It’s the way we deal with them that makes the difference.

When a relationship has been breached, work to objectively find out the specific reason.

Spending time and effort to fix something that is not the problem breeds further resentment.

Families go through ups and downs but they have a magic staying power that keeps members together even in difficult times.

The magic formula for fixing broken relationships:

  1. Be certain you know the “problem” and be able to articulate it with the other person.
  2. Spend all efforts on the recognized problem with great focus and hard work.  

Fixing broken relationships can actually strengthen them and you, as an individual.

What’s worth having may be worth the price to focus on it for the rest of your life.

But that decision is a personal one.

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Being Ignored

Acknowledging others takes so little effort and requires no special skills and yet it is a powerful way to win friends and inspire interaction.

So why don’t we do it?

We’re turned inward looking down at phones and navigating the black hole of social media where it is easy to get lost and miss the world around us.

Ways to acknowledge people:

  • Smile without doing anything else
  • Pay a compliment
  • Show a courtesy (“please, go first”, “you’ve been waiting, step ahead of me”)
  • Put your phone away and start a conversation
  • Offer to help

People want no more than to be acknowledged.

And if you thought I was referring only to strangers (above), go through the bulleted points again and see how they can apply to friends, family members and associates.

To be a powerful person, engage in the skill of recognizing them in real time.

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Attention Leaks

The average white-collar worker spends a whopping 6 hours a day on email according to an Adobe workplace survey.

And that’s without counting other distractions – just straight email time.

Focus is the skill you want to excel in the workplace and outperform others.  The person who can eliminate attention leaks is likely to be the most employable.

Ways to cut off attention leaks:

  • Turn off notifications – You’ll just keep going with distractions if you see them pop up all the time on devices.
  • Too much information hurts – We become overcome with too much information and anything additional tends to slip away from our brains – a good reason not to keep bombarding yourself with information of all kinds while trying to work.
  • Multitasking is an attention leak – More useful is to prioritize the 20% of what you have to do which will bring you 80% of your productivity.  Do less to accomplish more and plug the attention leaks.
  • Limit focused time – Pick a time period – say an hour – when you can focus on your work, plug attention leaks and minimize the flow of too much information.  Then take a break.
  • Don’t think – When I face a problem, I try to erase everything and keep the mind blank and sure enough the answer rises to the top effortlessly.

Attention can be cultivated but without exercise, it becomes inefficient and non-productive.

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Self-Absorbed People

They talk endlessly about themselves almost as if you don’t exist.

When you do talk, they lose focus.

They emphasize with themselves not others.

  1. Cut off the oxygen.  Your attention is their oxygen.
  2. If they don’t ask about you, why continue to feed their self-absorption.
  3. They get no pass even if they are family members.  Even being in the same room or same chat with a person who makes it all about them is you encouraging them to continue.
  4. Reward people who focus on you by asking them questions about them or as it used to be called “a conversation”.

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Stopping a Losing Streak

If you win all the time, you are likely to head for a losing streak.

And that’s okay because winners are people who take their failures and turn them into the art of succeeding.

You’ve seen a sports team that gets so far ahead in the score that they become lax allowing their competitor to catch up – scare them or beat them.

People who seem to be born with all the breaks who when finally hit with adversity don’t know how to handle it.

Winning is more fun but losing is the rehearsal for another victory.

It helps introduce you to the people around you and to the adversity you’re facing.

Hope for the best.

But when faced with the worst know that out of bad always come good.

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