People Who Can’t Love Us Back

More tears are shed and anguish generated from broken relationships.

Except that all humans have some degree of dysfunctional relationships.

One of the most painful is when we unconditionally love a person who cannot seem to return our feelings.

Withholding ours is not the answer and feeling shamed or abused by the lack of love we feel from them is a black hole of hurt feelings.

Our role is to love those who deserve it – friends, family – with all our hearts.

Expecting the same and equal love in return is exposing us to a lifetime of disappointment.

Some people are not capable of love – even to love themselves in a healthy way.

When you give love without expectations, you will find at least one important kind of love in return every time.

The love of self.

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Becoming the Person You Want to Be

We are what we spend our time becoming.

If we are devoting increasing amounts of time to social media, then we are becoming more proficient at digital connections not necessarily meaningful relationships.

If we make a demonstrable attempt to spend more time with people in person, on the phone, by Skype, we are becoming more proficient at interacting with people and appreciating the nuances of their voices and personalities in real time.

Should we find ourselves talking about others in unflattering ways, we are investing our precious capital (time) in a losing pursuit that will eventually make us become them.

But take no joy in the failings of others by remembering our own failings and we’re in the midst of an awesome self-improvement program.

If we’re obsessed with living the life we really want to live and not the life others divert us towards then the return on investment will be rich and rewarding.

When we understand that growing wealth is a direct result of pursing excellence above money, we have discovered the real secret to being rich.

How and where we spend our time tells us more about ourselves than any other indicator.

We become what we spend our time pursing for better or for worse.

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Seeing the Future

No matter how smart you are, no person can ever see even 5 years from now.

If you put yourself back to where you were 5 years ago – the place, the people, the work, your health, your ambitions, it is likely that fate had other plans.

It is better to be nimble than to be all knowing.

Harvard Business School was among the many universities that used to teach its students to do 5 year plans when they entered the business world.

But 5 years is an eternity.

Could you have known that SnapChat, the audio and video social network that allows users to destroy content after it has been viewed would be bigger than Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any other social medium?

It’s been only ten years since the iPhone came along so, could you have built a business plan around a world that never puts its phone down?

Could you have predicted the election of the president or the prospects for the economy?

Could you have predicted your health or that of loved ones near you in that period or the people you have lost?

Being nimble is the virtue that allows us to maximize our chances for health, wealth and happiness not futilely trying to channel Nostradamus.

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Social Media Breaks

What’s the harm of taking a 30-second social media break to see what’s happening and who is liking your posts?

Nothing.

But with one caveat.

Knowing WHEN to take such breaks and how often to take them.

Social media – and in fact the entire smartphone itself – is like a morphine pump instead, it’s loaded with dopamine to which we easily have become addicted.

A 30-second check when we are not engaged directly with another person. 

Or when we are part of a team meeting (and that includes virtual meetings even though the other participants cannot see us).

Strict limits to make sure our short social media check does not become a minute and a half or longer.

A smoking break is deleterious for a healthy person so a social media break is a good substitute as long as you don’t do both.

Getting the hang of how to take a social media break as opposed to living as a slave to the next post means we can share it with our children because it’s hard to ask them to pay attention when we’re more distracted than ever.

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Bill Belichick’s Advice to Millennnials

The New England Patriot’s coach and winner of 5 Super Bowls is not a fan of social media.

He calls it “InstaBook”, SnapFace”, “ChatRun” on purpose and has vowed to do everything he can to fight its use as it pertains to his football team and life.

Here is advice to Millennials …

  1. Make sure your career is motivated by love— passion over money.
  2. Talent shortcomings can be overcome by hard work– he cites Tom Brady who “is not a great natural athlete … not even close” but he worked hard for what he achieved.
  3. Fight for your big ideas – just because they are unusual or have never been done before is no reason not to use them.
  4. Put away social media and concentrate on building real relationships face-to-face– success comes from relationships with people and not how many likes you get online.

Belichick:” success is more about who you know than what you know”.

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