Often we are our own worst enemy when it comes to confidence.

Quick – name something you did extremely well today.

Then – name something you could have done better.

Most people can name their faults before the positives and some can’t name a positive unless you pull it out of them.

This changes today.

From now on, for every criticism (justifiable or not) make sure to think of something positive that you have done well.

No criticism without compliments.

Our brains get trained to obsess with how we could be better, how others want us to be, how we are wrong and not right so balancing out that tendency with some honest praise is the most important step in confidence building.

In other words, we can learn to have more confidence when we teach our brains that there is a lot of good upon which to build a positive view of ourselves.

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Anger is scary.

When we’re on the receiving end of it, anger may be scarier still.

“Calm down” doesn’t work.

“It’s not important, it’s not a big deal” seems to make people more enraged.

What we want when we are angry is for someone to listen to us – to hear us out without judging or – and this is important – without giving advice.

Advice just seems to inflame things even more.

But there is also good anger.

This is when we have a right to express our displeasure and to make every attempt to be heard.

Good anger is constructive.

Bad anger is destructive to us and to everyone who comes in contact with it.

The tool for dealing with anger is to become a good, non-judgmental listener.

The means for expressing concerns you have a right to air is to not destroy yourself or your relationship with others in doing so.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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Wishing you had what someone else has is second best.

Wanting to be more like them is useless no matter how admirable they might be.

Even the most enviable person is not worth imitating for many reasons including one basic indisputable one.

Try to be like someone else and you will always be an imitation of something that is not you.

When they innovate, you will have to copy.

When they surprise, you will have to somehow surprise.

When they change their goals, your goals will always be a hostage to theirs.

Enact your dreams without regard to anyone else.

Embrace the personality that you have developed no matter how unique.

Accept the gifts that you have been given not the ones you wish you had.

The human condition seems to be that we always want what we don’t have but the winning formula is to not only want it but accept our traits and quirks as the gifts that they really are.

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Toxic workplaces are inhabited by toxic people.

Often but not limited to the boss.

Here’s how to handle toxic co-workers and their defeating habits:

1. Unattainable goals – When they get caught up in unrealistic goals, you concentrate on realistic goals both short and long-term.Break them down into weekly, daily or hourly.
2. Perfectionism – If goals are set too high as many managers do, insist on sticking to realistic goals or else you will be on your way to shooting yourself in the foot.
3. Fear of failure – Perfectionists often fear failure, which is why they hesitate and often delay action.Never fear failure.  Learn from it.  Failure is essential to success.  It is the rehearsal for success.
4. Judging others – Constantly criticizing others is the road to failure. If you work for someone or with people who do that, make sure you don’t criticize them when encouragement is the better choice.

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Don’t overthink it.

Lots of remedies are out there – maybe too many – some of which promote more anxious thinking.

Focus on one thought.

99% of what we fear will never happen.

And that 1% will very likely not be as we feared or imagined.

That means we are worrying about things that can never hurt us.

Our thoughts about fear are hurting us more.

We can talk ourselves into more anxiety even as we spend time being aware of it and trying to fight it.

For every fear thought, a reminder.

99% of what I fear will never happen.

Why spend so much of my life waiting for it?

Our fear thoughts program our brains.  Putting fears into perspective retrains our brains and makes us more able to deal with anxiety in a world obsessed with fear.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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