Marilyn Sorensen, PhD and author of Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem helps us differentiate between guilt and shame.

“Unlike guilt which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong”.

Father Martin Padovani Healing Wounded Emotions says:

“There is healthy shame that we all need – that we are worthwhile persons with boundaries and limitations.  The ‘shamed” and the ‘shameless” are unfortunately present in epidemic proportions in society.”

Shame kills self-esteem.

Love kills shame.

Shame is the killer of our spirit and makes us a slave to comments from others that eventually can control our self-esteem.

The most effective ways to deal with shame:

• Accept your faults only as long as you can name an equal number of good virtues giving thanks for the good things to balance the ledger.

• Avoid being co-dependent to another person (i.e., don’t rely on them to validate you).

• No one must ever get your permission to act in an abusive way.

• Self-love is the antidote for shame.  The more you cultivate and appreciate the fine person you are – faults and all – the less likely you will become a victim of living with the debilitating residue of shame.

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