When I am asked to say a few words at a funeral, I think back to a girlfriend I had in college named Marilyn.

She was very close to her aunt so I often rode the subway with her from Temple University to Hahnemann Hospital on Broad Street to visit her aunt who suffered from cancer.

On the night that I was to be inducted into Sigma Delta Chi journalism society, the Italian funeral was to be held. It was a three-day affair as Italian funerals can be with a “viewing” process that was enough to kill the survivors.   I bagged the Sigma Delta Chi banquet and never was inducted and I don’t regret it one bit.

There is really nothing that one can say at some else’s loss except “I’m sorry”.

But at a later date when Marilyn was trying to deal with her grief I said something that seemed to help – where inspiration came from I don’t know.

Keep your departed loved one alive through you by adopting their best as part of you for the rest of your life.

Marilyn picked not complaining because her aunt although she suffered for a very long time never complained about her pain. She always directed her attention to others.

I have subsequently adopted the most admirable qualities of people I love and lost in the same fashion. My mother’s ability to never give up.   My father’s honesty. My best friend’s compassion for others.

What a living tribute for people who have left us but remain an important part of our being.

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