Responding to Insults

When they go low, you go high.

But what about when they keep going low?

Another approach is when they go low you ignore them.

It’s like wearing a shirt that has a big button on it that says PUSH.

There are times when an honest response is the right thing to do.

And when the insults keep coming, keep cutting off the oxygen of the verbal abuser.

They will soon look for someone else’s buttons to push.

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From Losing to Winning

It took 5 years.

Many surgeries.

Rehabilitation.

Dealing with personal issues.

Living with self-doubt.

But on Sunday, September 23rd, Tiger Woods won his first PGA victory.

Here’s the thing.

Losing is an ugly gift that reminds us how badly we want to win.

The tougher it is, the more it hurts, the more that it requires us to double down and not give up, losing in a rehearsal for winning that cannot be denied.

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Harsh Criticism

Criticism is never constructive.

And harsh criticism is abusive behavior.

Even in sports, the coach who gets away with harsh criticism as a motivator is often out of work a year or two later.   Hurtful feelings are a lousy motivator.

Don’t listen – walk away, end the conversation.

There is a difference from improving and being devastated.  Improving is your decision no one else’s.

Being defensive means the abuser won.

Another reason not to listen.  The first time you defend yourself, you won’t change anything but you will feel worse.

No one gets direct access to your psyche.

Not even for compliments.  Our brains are sensitive areas that control the way we feel about ourselves.  Letting anyone have direct access to our inner most and fragile state of mind is flirting with danger.

If it is an employer who harshly criticizes, double down on looking for new work. 

The best way to avenge such negative and hurtful behavior is to do something positive to finding a less toxic workplace.

Never criticize yourself.

Nothing is harsher or more damaging than an insult uttered by you to yourself.

We are responsible for how we think about ourselves – never outsource it to anyone else especially those close to you.

Concentrate on the good, not the bad.

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  • Jerry I love your posts. They are so right on. And I feel such wisdom and support coming from you to all of us. Many thanks.

The Friend Test

Facebook has a low bar – anyone can friend anyone else.

There are lots of great acquaintances but few true friends.

A friend is your best listener. 

If they talk about themselves, they will never be a true friend.

Friends never take, they always give.

They don’t sell you something, invite you to parties in place of asking what they can do for you not what you can do for them.

True friends don’t have to be similar to you, but they must share similar values. 

Opposites attract except for values.

A friend never judges. 

That would be hurtful.

A friend never gives advice.

True friends know what we started out with above – a friend is your best listener.

A true friend is never jealous.

If you have a few true friends, they should be getting the majority of your time and effort in staying connected.

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Power Talks

Why do we talk ourselves down?  Or allow others to do it?

We feed ourselves to remain healthy and we must also feed our psyches to develop and maintain a healthy positive attitude.

Here’s a sample power talk:

I care about others. 

I am fair and open-minded.

I can say I’m sorry quickly and emphatically.

I can name accomplishments I have achieved without hesitation. 

I admit mistakes, work on them but don’t fixate on the negative.

I can name 10 things I like about myself. 

I can name 5 people who I am grateful for and why.

I will never give up.

I listen not just talk.

I will no longer criticize myself as criticism is not constructive in any way.

By repeating a customized power talk every day – updating it and augmenting it – we remind ourselves of the difference between a pep talk and power talk.

A pep talk can be fleeting and superficial.

A power talk is a reminder of the fine person that we are.

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