Becoming More Self-Sufficient

People hover over you.

Give advice from their perspective.

Overreliance on others when the answer is to trust yourself.

Trust your instincts.

Self-help is an entire category of other people giving you their advice.

Real self-help is to rely on your own judgment.

You will fail sometime and succeed others – even Ted Williams, the best hitter in baseball, failed 60% of the time.  It’s okay.

Learn from others, then you decide how to proceed.

Spend more time on your confidence, less on taking advice of others.

Learn patience to prevent panicking into quick fixes. 

Being the best is not about being someone else’s best. 

Depend on yourself not someone else. 

Subscribe to these DayStarters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and other social media with my permission.

Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

+ Comment on this post

Giving Yourself More Credit

Name 5 faults you’d like to get rid of.

Now, name 5 wonderful qualities you have.

If you’re like most people, the faults will come easy and the list may actually be greater than 5.

Finding 5 wonderful qualities is harder to do.

Make it the other way around.

Be on the lookout for opportunities to congratulate yourself (“nice job handling an angry customer”, “I was a good listener to my mother this morning”).

Repeat:  positive self-congratulations is not egotistical, it’s self-care.

Never listen to unsolicited criticism.

If you don’t like yourself more often, how can you expect others to appreciate you? 

Looking for faults is self-destructive, looking for positives is an immediate confidence booster.

Subscribe to these DayStarters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and other social media with my permission.

Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

+ Comment on this post

Managing Life’s Crises

A crisis either gets fixed or we learn how to live with it.

No matter how bad it is, the problem will get resolved.

The real problem is the stress, anxiety, upheaval, self-doubt, hurt feelings and outright fear that consume us in the meantime even though we know the two possible outcomes.

Don’t panic – toughen up.

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen because it rarely does. 

Take a pad; write your fears in one column and the facts in the other.  Facts trump emotions in solving problems.   

Avoid people who make you feel more stressed, insecure, less confident or hurt.

Seek out people who see life with positivity to make you stronger and less anxious. 

No one gets to avoid major problems.

But the problem is not likely to get you, the lack of self-care while dealing with it will.

Subscribe to these DayStarters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and other social media with my permission.

Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

+ Comment on this post

Missing a Loved One

There are two good ways to cope with the loss of a loved one.

The first is don’t rush grief.  Well-meaning people will say “be strong” and try to divert your hurt but grieving takes as long as it takes to grieve.  The pain lessens but the loss is always felt.

The second is make the person you lost live on through you.  Take their best quality, the one you love the most about them, and adopt it – make it your life’s goal so it lives on through you.  Remember them as if they are still here because in many ways they are.  Laugh with them and love with them again.

It doesn’t make sense to overcome grief if that means to let what you liked about them so much die.

When you chose specific ways for that person to live on through you, it helps with the pain and brings happiness back.

Subscribe to these DayStarters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and other social media with my permission.

Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

+ Comment on this post
  • Thanks for the advice Jerry. I have also read and reread the Seven phases of grief. What you wrote is another take on what I already have been using or doing. Keeping busy is really important and taking everything in stride. I have not been mad. Probably we were so much alike. Guess that happens when you almost reach 58 years of marriage. thanks again.
    burt burdeen

Being Heard

At work, how many times have you known in your heart and mind that your bosses or associate’s idea is all wrong and won’t work?

Fight it and you get what?

Pushback.

Get more emotional, they dig in deeper.

To win a disagreement – at the very least to get yourself heard – resist rejecting their idea before you present your alternative.

Being against something never works.

Be for something as an alternative and do it skillfully.

Here’s how ..

  1. Don’t initially respond to what you don’t agree with, clearly state another idea as an add-on (“hitchhiking on your idea, what if we did this” and insert a view of your own).
  2. Ask questions, avoid making statements.It’s the human condition to want to buy and not be sold and that applies to ideas, suggestions, projects, problem solving, etc.
  3. Avoid criticizing the other person’s ideas – they will blindly defend them anyway and you will be seen as the problem.
  4. Some people are incapable of listening to the input of others and often these are superiors who somehow see their job as doing all the thinking.In that case, compliment every time they give you a chance to contribute (“it’s good of you to throw this open for differing views”).
  5. Find something to like about the prevailing person’s idea(s) even if you hate most of it or you can be sure they won’t even listen to yours.

Unfortunately, brainstorming and problem solving are confused for power.

If the person running a meeting can’t be open to the ideas of others, then you can impress by being open to something they said.

Subscribe to these DayStarters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and other social media with my permission.

Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore? Unsubscribe below.

+ Comment on this post