Winning an Argument

You can’t really win an argument.

You can bully someone into saying they agree with you or inflame them even further by forcing them to defend themselves just because they don’t agree with you.

Or, assuming you can’t avoid an argument as Dale Carnegie always recommends as the first important step, then enjoy it.

Ask the other person to layout their case. 

Don’t disagree or ask them to agree with you.

In fact, don’t tell them your position until they ask.

An argument is usually about power.

There is a winner and a loser.

But if you decide that there will be no winners and losers, just learners, then you can shake hands and see the other person’s point of view without having to abandon yours.

If you are in a relationship where the other person has to win every argument, you may need to remove yourself from it.

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Gaining Control

We lose it when we lose control.

Even the meek among us prefers to be in charge of their own destiny.

One guaranteed way to never be in charge of your destiny is to waste time trying.

Give away your power and see if you die – it’s more likely that you will live happily on every occasion. 

Help others become empowered – not through words but actions.  Take a seat and say, “you run this meeting” and then do everything you can to help them succeed. 

Stairs are for running down, people are for building up – every breath you invest in making another person more powerful, makes you more powerful.

Fight to keep control and you’ll live a lifetime of unhappiness.

Give it away by enabling others and your become more powerful than you could ever imagine.

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Handling Unwanted Criticism

Don’t listen to criticism. 

Don’t read reviews. 

No one ever benefits from criticism — not even the person giving it.

When you are the target of unwanted criticism, you become less effective, less confident, more stressed.

Ignore criticism if you can.

When forced to acknowledge it (say, at work), admit to hearing it but don’t dignify criticism of you any further by entering into a conversation.

Criticism makes us feel needy – resist it with whatever it takes. 

Doing better and learning from so-called “constructive” criticism are two opposite things.

Even if criticism brings about change out of fear, it will not be long lasting.

The place for criticism is out of your mind.

The place for self-improvement is to use your mind on your own.               

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How to Break the Ice

Ask “Tell me about yourself”.  Then listen, don’t talk.

Ask any question and you will win over even the most reluctant person. 

Not just strangers – this works at work by asking an associate to “tell me about the ideas you have about this project”.

Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves and yet how often do we make it about us?

The secret to being not just a good conversationalist but a great one is to be genuinely curious and anxious to hear what others have to say without having to weigh in with your view.

Something as simple as talking in terms of another person’s interests can make you a happier and more effective person.

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Think This When You Feel Failure

The number one best-selling book series of all time is Harry Potter.

Yet 12% of more than 21,000 Harry Potter reviews are only 1-star – in other words the worst book I’ve ever read.

How could that many people be so wrong for author J.K. Rowling who made the most money in history as an author, an estimated $1 billion.

These unhappy readers may have hated the series, but so many more people loved it.

The next time someone hates on you – nibbles away at your confidence or your ability to succeed – remember Harry Potter. 

Others are entitled to their opinions but they should have absolutely no effect on your passion to succeed.

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