Trying to Please Others

Trying to please others is a losing game.

We know this and still do it.

So, is it possible to please others and ourselves at the same time?

More often than not, it is.

When you feel you’re being asked to do something that someone else wants and maybe you’re not that wild about doing, look for a win-win way forward.

The boss wants you to base the presentation on things you think are not that powerful.

The boss is still the boss but by trying to find if she/he is open to allowing you to infuse some new data that you have discovered, you are potentially satisfying her/him and you at the same time.

It isn’t always possible but asking for that which you need to make you happy and fulfilled too is legal, positive and has tremendous upside.

And not just at work.

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Being Happier

Most people don’t try to be depressed or unhappy.

The don’t wake up and say “I hope something happens to bum me out”.

Things start going wrong when the first thing occurs that causes unhappiness.  And if a second thing happens then the pattern is established.   Often it only takes one thing to ruin a day.

It’s going to be hard to turn your mood around.

How we survive from something going wrong or things that are said that hurts or angers us, sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Plainly put, we throw in the towel too quickly.

Sometimes all it takes is to try to be more resilient.

I’m bugged, but I’m not going to let this ruin my day.

I worked for weeks on that project and it hasn’t been appreciated, but I’m sure not going to dump on myself.  I did my part.

That fender bender is just what I didn’t need today BUT, I’m thankful that it’s the fender that is hurt and not me. 

This is more than just happy talk.

There is more and more science that proves how we think is how we train our brains to think.

Give in to negativity, and you will most assuredly get it.

Fight off as many aspects of it as you can and your brain gets retrained to make you stronger.

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Managing Multiple Problems at One Time

Air traffic controllers through the use of technology can track many airplanes at one time for eventual landing.

Not too long ago, with just the help of radar, these overworked and stressed controllers would have nervous breakdowns trying to keep the planes separated and landing without incident.

You can only land one plane at a time on a runway.

Managing the multiple problems we face every day is similar.

In spite of multitasking and other techniques, humans can deal with only one problem or challenge at a time.

Try more than that and stress levels skyrocket.

One approach is to see in your mind’s eye, all the problems you are facing the way you might envision airplanes in line or circling to land.

You check back, work on it, update it, make decisions about it and bring it in finished.

Seeing multiple problems in your periphery is doable, trying to solve them all at once is useless when the price you pay is an increase in stress and anxiety.

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The Fear of Failure

If a baseball team feared losing, they would never take the field.

If a tennis player couldn’t bear the thought of going down in defeat to another competitor, they would put their racquet down before the match started.

The same with life, if we allow fear thoughts there is no reason to expect happiness and accomplishment.

Fear thought is the enemy, it must be banned from our minds.

Failure is inevitable and ironically it is the dress rehearsal for future success, but worrying about failing is the main reason for failure.

It robs us of our confidence.

Gets us off our game plan.

Makes us anxious so that we become tense and nervous.

Study successful people and you will see every one of them has the ability to give themselves a chance to win – maybe even a lot of chances – fearing not failure itself but the inability to focus on trying harder.

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Confidence Building

Often we are our own worst enemy when it comes to confidence.

Quick – name something you did extremely well today.

Then – name something you could have done better.

Most people can name their faults before the positives and some can’t name a positive unless you pull it out of them.

This changes today.

From now on, for every criticism (justifiable or not) make sure to think of something positive that you have done well.

No criticism without compliments.

Our brains get trained to obsess with how we could be better, how others want us to be, how we are wrong and not right so balancing out that tendency with some honest praise is the most important step in confidence building.

In other words, we can learn to have more confidence when we teach our brains that there is a lot of good upon which to build a positive view of ourselves.

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