Recovering from Failure

Failure feels worse than almost anything a human can experience.  I hate it.  You hate it.  No one wants it.

But if you study successful people, they almost always have a path through failure before they arrive at success.

In other words, we don’t have to like it, but failure is an important component.

It tells us how badly we want something to go back again and again to confront it.

Failure introduces us to ourselves and our friends and makes us stronger.

If we try once or twice and give up, then maybe we don’t want what we’re pursuing.  But if we never give up then we are almost willing a positive outcome.

Failure teaches us patience because no successful person ever got what they wanted without some cuts and scrapes first.

Stop becoming discouraged and begin being encouraged by studying the successful people you admire who had to fail their way to success.

“Failure is a rehearsal for success”

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Knifed in the Back

My best friend in high school stole the girl I liked and eventually went on to marry her.

I owe him thanks because I couldn’t have had my children or married my wife.

Once in college, another friend and I in communications school planned to pitch a two-person radio show to a small suburban radio station.

The call was made from a phone booth (what’s that?).

He did the talking because two of us couldn’t be talking into a pay phone to the program director who was hiring.

When he pitched our idea, the PD said, “I don’t have any need for a two-man show but I need a weekend jock”.

And yes, my friend took it right on the spot.

For himself.

I got continued unemployment.

A few weeks later, I got a job in Philadelphia radio, a major market on a major station.  I had no choice but to keep dialing for dollars.

In the end, again, I got the better end of the deal.

Sometimes things work out better when we don’t get our way.

That sounds horrible to say but it’s true.

We often don’t know what we really want or what is best for us.

So I have learned that when I feel a knife in my back, I tend to the wound and go on to an adventure I never saw coming.

 “Being betrayed is one of the most valuable lessons life can teach” – Shania Twain

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Living with the Anxiety of Terrorism

People born after 9/11 have lived every day of their lives with the insecurities of terrorism.

And each year, the outrages get worse as it seems hatred has replaced love and once again we’re fighting over religion as humans have done since the beginning of time.

A local doctor and his wife took their children to London for what sounded like a nice vacation.  She was worried about terrorism but pushed her worries aside.

Unfortunately, innocent victims were killed in the street during her stay.

Penn Station in New York is more than just a rundown train terminal.  It is a fortress for military personnel with automatic weapons at the ready.

We live in a world of insecurity, fear and uncertainty by understanding that fear is the desired outcome for terrorists.

And remembering the helpers – the people who respond first and show their humanity to others – is a way for us to focus on love and not hate.

“If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred against anyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world” – Deepak Chopra

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Changing That Little Voice In Your Head

Our level of confidence usually comes down to that little voice in our head that gives us permission to succeed or sets us up to fail.

A baseball player doesn’t take the field and listen to an inner voice that says “Don’t hit the ball to me, I might drop it or commit an error”.

And their inner voice doesn’t even say “I will not make an error”.

It’s better yet.

“Hit the ball to me – I can handle it”.

This is how to change that little voice in your head that somehow says “I can speak one on one but not to groups”.

Kick that voice out.

“I can speak to anyone from my heart, as myself, as long as I have earned the right to speak on the topic”.

Or for folks who say, “They will never hire me with all those qualified people applying”.

Adjust your inner voice to say, “They ought to hire me – I’m an excellent candidate, I work hard and I will make a difference”.

For those of us looking for the perfect mate in our lives, why not choke off that unhelpful voice that says “I can’t find that person” and replace it with:

“Someone is waiting to meet and get to know me as the person I am so I will just keep being that person”.

Tweetable reminder: Banish that inner voice that says “I can’t” with the one that says “I can handle it”.

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Rebounding from Personal Attacks

A friend of mine, Jim Carnegie, passed away this past week.

Jimmy was a complex man with whom I had a complicated relationship but I was horrified to see an ex-employee of his rip into a dead man the way she did on the RadioInk website.

I’m not taking away from any shortcomings they may have had in their relationship with the deceased but I got the feeling that she had the need to air her dirty laundry more than the mourners, friends and family needed to hear it.

In our digital social media world, we have all been victims of personal attacks but when it is aimed at the dead before the body gets cold, you can see we have problem.

The best defense for personal attacks is not necessarily what is intuitive to us which is to hit back.

One of my media publication readers ripped me in an e-mail last week to which I agreed with him and left a phone message for him to personally hear him out.

I’m still waiting for a return call.

Personal attacks are bullying.

Here are some defenses.

  • Just because someone has hurt you the most does not mean that they are correct.  They may have issues of their own like the two examples I cited above.  Don’t make their issues your issues.
  • Reach out to the attacker and most likely they will run which will help you accept that they are just being mean and you are being open minded.
  • 9% of personal attacks do not happen live in person between two people.  It doesn’t take much courage to attack another person behind their backs so what they say is not worth considering.
  • And this is my favorite – when anyone points fingers at me, I am reminded they are also pointing several fingers back at themselves.  If you have to deal with such people, consider what their issues may be before beating yourself up.

“How people treat you is their karma.  How you react is yours” – Wayne Dyer

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