The Perfect Gift

This is the year when cybershopping has really taken off.

You can see more, buy more – often for less – without leaving your screen.

In theory, we have more tools to come up with the perfect gift for those we care about.

The perfect gift is not necessarily something tangible.

It is the gift of your time which, at holiday time, seems like very little left to offer to someone else.

The price is right.

The results beat anything money can buy.

  1. A day without screens with your children. In one day, see the magic that occurs when phones, computers and gaming is turned off.  The ultimate gift of rediscovery.
  1. No movies for kids in the car. You can’t be serious?  Yes, no child will ever remember the movie she or he watched on the trip to grandma’s for holiday 2016 but they will remember the number of license plates the family saw out the window during their time together.  The gift of parenting with a purpose.
  1. Let someone else have YOUR way.  When the choice could be yours, give it up to someone else.  Give someone else the gift of choice and feel what real empowerment is.

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How to Feel Less Stressed

To gain control, you do the opposite – give up control.

When rushing and making mistakes, slow down, do less and get fewer things right.

To feel less stressed, offer more of your time to those around you.

Getting the mind off of you is a secret weapon for dealing with grief, depression and disappointment.

Making other people your 100% focus lifts that which ails us including the stress of everyday living.

Ironically, when we spend more time helping others, we feel less stressed.

No pill, no form of therapy and no spa day even comes close.

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Breaking Addictions to People

To stop being addicted to people who are not good for us, stop romanticizing them.

A friend who broke up with a longtime companion is distraught but there were problems all along that led to the eventual split.  To forget the problems and romanticize what is missed is a sure ticket to lots of enduring misery.

I once heard a motivational speaker say to break from an addiction to someone, see them as ugly not beautiful.

Their behavior – how it is ugly.

Their temperament – why it was problematic.

Their commitment to you – how was it lacking.

Another powerful way to overcome a relationship we get stuck on – and it happens to everyone – is to say the following.

There is someone waiting to meet me, appreciate me and have a life together.

Positive predictive self-talk like that precedes the arrival of such a person in your life.

It happened to me when my wife walked in because after reminding myself such a person was coming into my life; I was actually expecting her.

Become addicted to self-respect and positive dreams of that which you deserve.

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Dealing With Loss

  1.  Also emphasize the gain. The years you spent with your loved one before they passed. Things you have learned from them. Magic moments. The good times with a friend before you broke up.
  2. Keep great memories alive. Pictures, routines, special moments. I remember my mother every time I touch garlic – after all, an Italian mom cooks everything with garlic and this branch didn’t fall far from the tree.
  3. Find a quality in the person you lost and make it live on through you. If she was the type who never complained, adopt her good quality and try to make it live through your daily actions. That’s a powerful way for the departed to live on.
  4. Recognize that there are powerful losses other than death. Divorce is one. Being separated from your children. Another broken relationship that you had high hopes for. The career that hit a bump in the road – after all, many of us identify ourselves by the work we do instead of the things we stand for.

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  • Every one of these touches me.  It’s too easy to carte blanche disregard the good when we are cut off and betrayed by a friend or mate.  December is especially rough as anniversary dates of four family members lost in death.  Sometimes it’s difficult to smile through tears.  Sometimes it just takes the passing of time to let the good override the sadness and despair.

Tempering Your Temper

Things usually get ugly when we react rather than respond.

Reacting, which happens quickly and without much thought, usually leads to hurt feelings and things being said that we will regret later.

Responding is what people do when they want to think first and speak second.

Reacting:

“How dare you say I am selfish, YOU’RE the one who is selfish”. 

It doesn’t really matter at this point if there is any truth to the claim because the damage is done and we’re off to the races.

But responding is the better move.

“I’ve never seen myself as selfish”. 

Not accusing the other of the same thing of which they are accusing you.

The difference between responding and reacting is about 30 seconds.

Let comments – even and especially inflammatory remarks – slosh around in your brain for a half a minute.  You may be surprised to see how superior your brain works when given a few precious seconds.

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