Dealing with Self-Absorbed People

Self-absorbed people are not new.

They just have many more tools now to get into our face and ears.

One person’s obsessive behavior rambling on about themselves can easily become a stress causing response in the person who suffers such one-sided relationships. 

  • Ask what would you lose if you step away from them – Be specific.  Often the addiction to people who care only about themselves and their lives is made easier by asking exactly what you would lose if you ended the conversation.
  • Cut contact – The more you let them know you are not available to listen to them talk incessantly about themselves, the sooner they will take it elsewhere.
  • Find someone interested in you, too – Turn the previously wasted time of suffering from one-sided friendship and invest it in a person truly capable of being interested in your life.

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End Unhappiness This Morning

If you want to end unhappiness this morning, repeat these words:

EVEN THE BAD TIMES ARE GOOD

It’s easy to say, but difficult to accept.

But if you could, whatever is troubling you now automatically gets put in its proper place – a problem, a concern, a recurring worry – but not the end of the world.

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That Voice in Your Head Preventing Success

It’s back there somewhere – the thought of potential failure.

It’s silent.

It’s always present.  Some days louder than others.

Triggered by something that can be random like a failure in another area of your life totally unrelated.  (Sounds like I’ve been down that road).

You can block it out, but it’s still there.

How to turn that voice in your head into a positive?

  • Only listen to it once a week – Not compulsively every day until it brings you down.  Once a week.  For no more than 30 minutes.  So when you feel that voice getting louder, you say “I’ll deal with you openly and honestly Tuesday night for a half hour on the way home”. 
  • For every negative, a positive — During the half hour be frank about your negative thoughts.  Avoid discounting them no matter how troubling they may be (i.e., “I’m afraid I’m going to mess up my presentation”).  For every true negative thought, find an off-setting positive thought (“No one here knows the subject matter better than I do”). 
  • Get out of knocking yourself down — Speak up for you the way you would have a friend do it.  No matter what the fear, do not buy into it.

Successful, happy people accept failure and learn from it.  But they don’t bring it on by letting doubting voices takeover their minds.

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Avoiding Dangerous Assumptions

When your elevator arrives, you step forward and walk in.

Here’s a young mother who pushed her baby stroller in when the elevator doors opened.  And although elevators are statistically very safe, it was an assumption that caused the accident.

In life, we assume things that are not fact.

A fact is something that can be observed and verified.

Most people are very smart whether or not they have a formal education.

Where it goes wrong is our propensity for assuming something is true when it is not a fact.

Lots of friendships breakup as a result of assumptions made.

Dreams are broken before they start when they are based on accepting something as true when it has not been proven.

If you’re working on yourself – one good place to increase your effectiveness and happiness is to remind yourself to frequently ask this question:

“Am I making an assumption or do I have proof”?

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How to Make a Great New Friend

Remember that feeling in grade, middle or high school?

The feeling of being excluded – left out.

It would be nice if children outgrew excluding others when they became adults.

SnapChat allows young people to create their own groups and only include the invited – a step stronger than simply having people “friend” you.

You can’t do anything about other people’s behavior but while they are out excluding people, you can be making great friends by being inclusionary.

Be thoughtful enough to make sure everyone is included in the event.

It’s shocking how many companies fail to invite people who sit outside their doors to be part of teams.  Invite them in.

Reach out to those left out.

Before this day ends, include someone in an activity or a simple conversation and watch how making them feel wanted will make you feel better.

Only weak people exclude others.

Strength of character comes from standing up for and alongside people who bring diversity to our lives.

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