Confidence Helpers

  • People who sap our confidence often don’t have the accomplishments we have so focus on your existing strengths when others make you feel weak.
  • Repeat often today “There is only one of me in the world” and be proud of it.
  • Steve Jobs was forced out of his own company but later returned to Apple to gain fame and fortune. Starting today, see every so-called “failure” as a step toward success. This is the single most important thing to me in gaining and maintaining self-confidence.
  • Anyone can be confident when things go their way but people who can learn from misfortune can be confident in good times and bad.
  • Ted Williams was the greatest hitter in baseball, hitting just over .400 one season – a remarkable feat. I think about this often. Not the over .400 part. The 60% percent of the time that the greatest hitter ever failed.

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Trust

Think of trust like this.

Studies of 100 ship sinking’s that killed 100 or more people over the last 100 years shows who gets off the sinking ship first.

The crew.

The captain.

The men.

The women.

And believe it or not the children are left to fend for themselves.

When we book a cruise, how often do we ask if there are enough lifeboats to save everyone?  We trust that there are just as we trust that others will help us off a sinking ship.

The human condition is such that we save ourselves first and while there are a few exceptions, it is only a few.

We have no right depending on others for trust if we don’t first trust ourselves.

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Escaping the Past

At my mom’s nursing home they had a habit of playing XM 40’s channel before it merged with Sirius.

Many of the residents had cognitive problems they were living with so at lunch and dinner they enjoyed the music of their lives until the news came on.

Back then the 40’s channel would recreate news from the 40’s so when they heard the newscaster say “Adolph Hitler has invaded Russia” they got upset.

The past was not a pleasant memory in this case.

Remembering family events to the best of their ability was a case of the past enhancing the present.

The past and the future are not the “now” where we need to live focused 100% present.

Looking to the future helps us plan.

Looking to the past helps us learn.

Being in the now is the only place we can be happy.

Use the past and future like you would a file.  Open it when needed but be sure to close it and return to what you’re doing in the present.

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Being Happy When You’re Not Happy

One thing an on-air radio and TV personality soon learns if they plan to have a long career in broadcasting is to sound happy.

Imagine if they went on the air after being served a divorce lawsuit and let the audience hear their angst and concern.

The author Harold Kushner always said that happiness is like a butterfly.  The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.  Let it land and enjoy it.

Being happy is about being proactive.

There are two things that help.

  1. Assume the virtue of happiness (smile, engage others) even when you have to reach for it.
  1. Increase your gratitude.

The little known secret about happiness is that the human brain cannot be unhappy when we are in the act of being grateful for that which we have no matter how small or insignificant. 

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Hurt

There are two ways to handle hurtful people.

One, try to hurt them as much as they’ve hurt you.

Two, feel sorry for them.

Why turn yourself into the very thing you hate about hurtful people and why not pity them instead?

Think thoughts such as these:

It must be awful to have to ramble on in such a hateful way.

Hurting others makes it harder for them to love and accept you.

If you said what you just said to me into a mirror, you wouldn’t like the way you look.

What happen in your life to make you this mean?

Just the few seconds it takes to show some kind of compassion to people who don’t deserve it, allows you to separate their venom from your heart and mind.

Having compassion for people who hurt us is the first step toward letting it go and enjoying your life.

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