Knock Out Punch For Bullies

Rebecca Marino took a break from her World Tennis Association career not because of the usual injuries that tennis imposes on a pro athlete.

But because of bulling from fans.

Marino was a rising star in tennis with an overpowering serve and a wicked forehand.  She climbed from a 192 ranking a year earlier to 38 seed by July of 2011.

But her quick ascent to stardom hit a bump in the road when Marino became the butt of cruel online and social media criticism from so-called fans.

Marino herself became addicted — not to drugs or alcohol — but to checking social media to see what harsh things these bullying fans were saying about her.  Finally, last February she took 7 months off from the sport she was so good at to deal with the insecurities she acquired from people she didn’t even know. 

Bullying is nothing new but because of social media and the ability of anyone anywhere to hurl hurtful comments at others, it is now an epidemic.  What’s worse, the bullying that used to be confined to the schoolyard or to a relationship is now open for the whole world to see.

Rebecca Marino is now back on the tennis tour but still sensitive about what is said about her.  She’s got all she can do to keep away from the criticism that is still out there on social media.  She has even returned to Twitter cautiously since giving it up during her time off.

Bullying stops when we say “no more”.

The push back doesn’t have to be physical, but it has to be forceful.  Take control of your life and don’t let anyone record hurtful messages in your psyche.

I just picture a digital chip implanted in my forehead as a visual reminder to not let anyone record negative messages in my brain. 

Marino’s advice on bullying:

“Don’t be afraid of the stigma of it, and talk about it.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  If you’re bullied or cyberbullied, or someone’s harassing you, it’s better to be open about it and talk to someone about it than to hold it inside.”

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.”  — Chris Colfer

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The Health Benefits of Sharing Your Secrets

I read an article recently, which asserted that teens who share their secrets are more confident in social situations than others who keep secrets to themselves.

So that’s what went wrong with my childhood!

About 79% of those surveyed in a Dutch study of 790 people said they shared at least one secret with parents, friends, teachers and neighbors. 

Students who tended to keep secrets to themselves were more likely to have increased rule-breaking behavior, illnesses, mood disorders and dysfunctional relationships.

In the study, girls shared more secrets than boys and were deemed more likely to reap the health benefits.

I don’t know if this applies to adults, but I’m thinking yes. 

Sharing secrets is less troubling and makes us happier.

This doesn’t mean go out and blab your innermost thoughts to the next person you see because it’s not that simple. 

Often we are troubled by that which eats us alive — the things that we needlessly keep to ourselves when sharing our secrets with a trusted person makes us feel better and healthier.

“Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us” — Elbert Hubbard

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  • I told someone that my ego is out of control as MY SECRET
    Jack wayman (founder of the CES ) says ‘who don’t know that?

When Your Life Is Out of Control

When stress and negativity starts creeping in, our lives are beginning to fall apart. 

Illness, relationships, employment, unresolved issues, loss — there is no shortage of ways that adversely affect our happiness.

Even when one problem is resolved, it seems something else pops up.

I’ve studied this all-too-frequent visitor to life — the lack of control — and have asked professionals their opinion on how happy, successful people respond when they feel their lives are beginning to go off track.

The “fix” is shocking perhaps because it is counterintuitive. 

Spiritual people turn everything over to God and if their faith is strong, that can effectively work for them.

But whether you are religious or not, the one way to defeat the awful feeling of life out of control is by saying this one line:

“I have no more control over this and I am incapable of dealing with it.”

Yes, admit defeat and declare victory.

That one line becomes a freeing thing.

It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that you’re unwilling to keep paying a continued price for banging your head against the wall in an attempt to control that, which cannot be controlled.

Then move on. 

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t repeat this powerful line:  “I have no more control over this and I am incapable of dealing with it” and I thought when all else fails, you might like to try it, too.

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The Fastest Way to a Pay Raise

Asking doesn’t usually earn you a raise although it doesn’t hurt to try.
Even mentioning that you have another potential offer can backfire when your employer encourages you take it.
With the recent sluggish economy, raises are hard to come by but there is a way that few people try which almost always reaps monetary benefits.
Exceed expectations.
Do what is expected and then 25% more.
I know what you’re thinking.  You’re already doing 25% more and your company doesn’t seem to recognize it let alone reward the effort in cash.
But time and time again, the people who defy their coworkers and outperform others are the ones who actually strategize how they can deliver 25% more productivity that employers cannot ignore.
The number 25% is just a number until you add specifics.
What tangible ways can you add 25% more productivity to your position in the eyes of your employers?
Nothing is perfect and even exceeding expectations may not get you that raise you deserve.
But the people who are valued the most by their companies are the ones who go beyond what their employers expect — not so much in spirit than in targeted ways.
Make a list of extra things that you can do that in the view of your company would matter most and you may be in for a happy surprise by the end of the year.
“A steady salary is an invitation to mediocrity” — Unknown
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  • That got me fired as co-workers noticed and got jealous and even more lazy. then they turned on me and started to complain about the most trivial things and even a few things that I never did that were industry taboos.

Prove Them Wrong

James van Riemsdyk is a professional hockey player.  
He spent the last four years in Philadelphia after he was drafted into the National Hockey League.
He’s a good young prospect who has shown stretches of brilliance.  But he was also plagued with injuries, a concussion and some bad luck.  So when the Flyers traded him to the Toronto Maple Leafs last summer, van Riemsdyk wasn’t surprised.  
A well-mannered young man, he immediately tweeted the Philly faithful how much he enjoyed playing in that tough hockey town.
But it is what van Riemsdyk did next that may have made all the difference to this young, struggling athlete.
He began wearing a wristband under his equipment sent to him by a friend who owned an inspirational clothing company.  The slogan said:  “prove them wrong”.
And prove them wrong he did by getting off to the fastest start in his career with the hope that now van Riemsdyk will finally catch up to his full potential.
The trade turned out to be a win-win for both teams because the Flyers received Luke Schenn for van Riemsdyk and he is off to the same fast start with his new team.
Prove them wrong doesn’t mean do them wrong or hold a vendetta against those who give up on you.
It is a reminder to never give up on yourself.
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