The Cure For Hurt Feelings

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But the real deal on being stronger is that it is a journey through tough times and hard feelings. 

People say things that hurt, make us vulnerable and feel rejected.

It’s natural.  It’s as predictable as sunrise and sunset and there is one sure way to cure the devastating effects of hurt feelings.

Work through them immediately. 

No rumination.

It’s okay to feel hurt.

People who act like their feelings are not hurt is almost as detrimental as those doing the hurting.  Feel it and move on.

When a boxer takes a punch they almost simultaneously throw a punch.

Humans are not punching bags.  We are strong, resourceful and agile beings capable of absorbing pain and disappointment as long as it doesn’t end there.

We must get up and fight back in the count of 10 to succeed another day.

“I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results” – Florence Nightingale

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Gaining Greater Control

Sometimes I feel like life is getting out of control, how about you?

But the more we try to make things work out our way, the more frustrated we seem to become.

In every other way, trying harder gets better results, but when you try to get on top of things and reel them in, the exact opposite happens.

Notice how “control freaks” have few friends.

How the employer who has to have it his or her way, eventually loses their best people or their very own job.

Why children who cannot be cut free in many stages to test their wings become codependent in life.

But there is a cure.

It’s an odd one and ironic.

In giving up control, we gain control.

It is a freeing thing when we realize that by letting go we didn’t get hurt and we actually feel good.

Try it today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

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Ban This Word From Your Vocabulary

Don’t.

No one likes to hear that word so we should ban it from our vocabulary. 

In previous generations, people like Dale Carnegie could get away with saying “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” – a powerful message, stronger than the negative word at the start.  Back then, people cut slack to “experts” who pontificated about self-improvement.

But today, Millennials among others hate to hear what not to do right up front.  They close their ears and disregard whatever follows.

Try this instead.

Catch yourself when you are about to say “don’t” – if you’re like me, you’ll have no shortage of chances.

Once you catch yourself saying “don’t”, try to restate what you were about to say in a positive way – with a benefit attached if possible and watch how ears perk up.

Examples:

  • “Don’t forget to clean up your room” is replaced by “Please do your usual great job cleaning up your room”.
  • “Have that report on my desk in the morning” is out and “Our deadline is tomorrow morning – thanks for having that report ready” is in.
  • “Don’t talk to me like that” is less effective than “I respond to positive talk”.
  • “Don’t worry” is less effective than “Keep your chin up”.

The more we avoid words that tell people what to do and what to think, the more effective we can be.

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You Can Have a Heart and Have a Career

For some reason companies and employees have their home life and then their work life. 

And often, they don’t resemble each other.

Too many bosses would never treat their spouses, daughters or sons the way they treat valuable employees and, to be fair, some employees would never dream of treating their job as if they were disgusted with it.

  • Mean people get fired, too.  Even CEOs.  Having a heart and being great at what you do actually makes you better. 
  • Careers ebb and flow.  When we keep in mind that adversity often presents the next career opportunity, we then see the tough times as having a purpose.
  • It’s always helpful to never let a toxic workplace, bad boss or intimidating co-workers change us from being the fine person we want to be.
  • The number one way to a successful, happy and prosperous career is to never allow anyone cruel or insensitive to turn us into them.  People who acquire and use great skills in human relations are never down and out for long.

I once heard a psychologist say that it is never an option to quit a job you like because of people you don’t like.

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First We Must Dream To Make Them Come True

Think of the focus that Olympic athletes must have to work for years and years for one chance to realize their dream – The Gold Medal.

They work through injury, disappointment, bad luck and extreme competition to get a shot at the accomplishment that drives them.

The rest of us also want our dreams to come true especially in an age of plenty in which we now live.

It’s not for the lack of wanting, it’s often our inability to see vividly in our mind’s eye that which we want to come true.

Walt Disney, the great dreamer, said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”.

  1. Know your dream – if you can’t provide endless details about that which you want, you probably will never get it.
  2. Focus on the most important thing that would make your life fulfilled and then assure that everything that you do – where you work, live and with whom you spend time helps you advance your dream.
  3. Share it with others because as the writer Erma Bombeck said, “It takes courage to show your dreams to someone else”.

It’s great to work hard on someone else’s dream, but better to see, feel and taste the one that drives you.

If this thought made a difference, please share it with others.

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