Often it takes very little to add real meaning to a family event and Thanksgiving is the time when families come together.

The person who toiled preparing the traditional Thanksgiving turkey or the one responsible for the get together is often overlooked and under appreciated. 

But we can change that.

Thanksgiving also turns into a drama when some family members come together and they don’t really get along the rest of the year.  I know people who dread this holiday for that reason and that is sad.

So, try a different path this year.

• Toast the chef.   Before the meal begins be the one to raise your glass and in front of everyone gathered to express public appreciation for the work they did to make the meal possible.  Something like, “I’d like to recognize and thank mom for working so hard to make this feast as delectable as it is.  Thank you, mom”.  Be prepared for teary eyes of gratitude in return.
• Avoid drama.  Even if you’ve got drama kings and queens at the Thanksgiving celebration, vow to bite your tongue before letting anyone lure you into an argument, debate or hard feelings over any unresolved family matters.  It is neither the time nor the place.  Save discussing these issues for private time.  People looking for a fight often burn out when they realize they can’t light your fire in front of other people and that’s a good thing.
• Be a good listener.  Dale Carnegie always said if you want people to like you, ask them about themselves.  In a world where we all tend to compete for attention, Thanksgiving is one day when you can shine by asking questions rather than talking about yourself.  You will be loved and appreciated in ways that are not possible when the focus is predominantly on you.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful opportunity to practice gratitude.  Some folks like to invite a guest who is alone or not as fortunate to the family celebration.  Others like to bring leftovers to those who may be unable to attend so that they don’t feel forgotten.

In giving we receive the benefits that come from food, family, parades and football games when we do things to add real meaning to the holiday.  Happy Thanksgiving – I appreciate the thousands of you who start your day with me right here — Jerry

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One of my professors said that much of the drama in our lives is self-inflicted because we tend to act on assumptions rather than fact.

His example:

When you pull up to a red light, what color is it?

The obvious answer is – red.

The real answer is – red to me, but not to someone who is colorblind.

You see, we assume that no one is colorblind and everyone is just like us.

Obviously, identifying the color of “red” lights isn’t the only time in our daily life that we make dangerous assumptions that force us to act on bad information.

We make erroneous judgments about people, their intentions, their motivations and just about everything all the time.

So here’s a powerful tip that can alter your life by changing the way you perceive things:

• Be mindful that what we perceive is not what others may perceive.
• And, the more obvious it appears, the less obvious it is.

Try it for a few days – I’m going to refocus on this myself because the benefits can be immense – Jerry

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Just 7 minutes.

Exercise releases endorphins that tend to minimize the discomfort of exercises, helps reduce pain and stimulates a feeling of euphoria.

Gretchen Reynolds in her book The First 20 Minutes said that simply being more active for short periods of time is a no-cost way to guard against future neurological diseases as well as depression.

Shawn Achor, author of the book The Happiness Advantage cited a study in which three groups of patients treated their depression with either medication, no medication or a combination of both.

Of those who had taken the medication alone, 38% regressed back into depression when tested again after six months.

Those who used a combination of medicine and exercise did a little better with a 31% relapse rate.

But the big surprise was that the test group that only did exercise (no medication) to deal with their depression had a relapse rate of only 9%.

That’s if you’re depressed.

If you’re not, the benefits of even a minimal amount of increased activity are still there.

Doctors say there are more anti-depressants prescribed today than ever before and yet the rate of depression is higher than ever before.

20 minutes of exercise 4-5 times a week on a bike, treadmill, running or walking can increase happiness.

But even a few minutes of exercise results in an increased feeling of well-being.

Best yet, exercise is covered by all insurance companies, Obamacare, Medicaid and Medicare.

In other words, it costs you nothing and requires only the investment of your time.

Choose to be more active and pro-active, it can make a difference in how you feel – Jerry

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There are bucket lists for people who want to make sure they get to do more of the things they want before they die.

Books like 1001 Places To See Before You Die and 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die.

But there are only 5 regrets that a palliative nurse gathered as she cared for patients in the final weeks of their lives.

Her discoveries may surprise.  Here they are in order:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  Most of the dying suggested that they had not fulfilled anywhere near even half of their life’s dreams because of the choices they had made when they were healthy and able.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.  This came mostly from men who regretted not being able to be there for their children or share in the lives of their spouses and they came from an older generation where women were more often stay at home wives.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.  Many suppressed their feelings to avoid conflict.  Others became sick because of the resentment they felt as a result.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  Life often gets in the way of maintaining friendships and almost all the dying regretted not giving the proper time to nurture their friendships.  Even to their last days, they missed their friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.   Many did not realize that they could choose to be happy.  Fear of change allowed them to maintain a life that wasn’t the one that they really wanted – and to the end they regretted not being able to live and laugh again.

It is never too early to head off regrets that others have had at the end of life.

Life is to be lived now – moment-by-moment, by choosing The 5 things You Must Do to live the life that you really want.

After writing this, I’m on it.  How about you? — Jerry

An Applied Research in Quality of Life study shows that anticipating a vacation – not actually taking it – increased happiness for eight weeks. 

After the vacation, happiness returned to pre-vacation levels.

Shawn Achor, an expert on happiness and author of The Happiness Advantage says anticipating almost anything positive makes us happy while we remain in the anticipation stage.

And it doesn’t have to be anything major.

In one study, even thinking about watching their favorite movie, raised the participant’s endorphin levels by 27%.

We all know about the adverse effects of negative thoughts on our wellbeing.

Now there is research to show that anticipation makes us happier than actually doing that which we anticipate.

A simple step to increasing happiness:  always have things to anticipate in your life.

If you try it and it works, please share this with someone you care about – Jerry

You can buy Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now.

Or you could meditate.

Being mindful of gratitude can also work.

But if you’re like me – we want to live more in the now but what’s happening in real time often prevents us.

A family crisis, an illness, problem at work, a bad break, too much stress, not enough sleep, feeling guilty or not good enough.

But there is a powerful phrase – just 5 simple words – that can interrupt life’s distractions and point us directly to a place where we can reclaim living in the present.

May I share it with you?

Emily Dickinson wrote:  “Forever is composed of nows”.

What a thought!

If we can survive a crisis, meltdown, stress or inconvenience, we can simply make another positive, happy, productive moment in spite of it all and it adds up to a life.

Anytime.

Any place.

Our lives consist of moments that we embrace and we can control.

Today, let’s see how many “nows” we can create even as life interrupts us and please share this with others who might appreciate a fast and effective way to quickly get in the moment — Jerry 

I used to work for Paul Drew, a hard-driving radio program director who didn’t suffer fools lightly. 

He often sought out information from me about what my friends at competing Philadelphia radio stations were saying.   

I found myself going on and on to impress the boss about what I knew.

But I learned a big lesson.

He would look me right in the eye and let me go on and on until it became apparent to me that he already knew that which I was trying to tell him.

I once asked him why he never stopped me and he said that you can’t learn anything if you’re talking and reminded me about Columbo, the disheveled private eye from TV dressed shoddy and looked dumb. 

But by asking “one more thing” and listening for the answer, the detective mystery was always solved.

The secret to knowing more is to conduct yourself like you know less. 

“I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing” – Socrates  

Have another GREAT Day!  Jerry

Susan Cain has a great new and much acclaimed book out called Quiet:  The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking.

Loud gets heard.

Pushy gets its way.

But introverts get left on the sidelines.  It may have always been that way but with the advent of social media, it is far worse.  Domineering people rule social media as well.

Cain tells us about foreign students who feel uncomfortable in the extrovert-oriented American school system.  And she walks us through Tony Robbins, Dale Carnegie and an evangelical church.

Quiet is as powerful as bombastic.

• The best speakers know the power of a dramatic pause and yet some of the most effective speakers are soft-spoken.
• In a world increasingly dominated by 80 million Millennials, authentic is more persuasive than dramatic.
• Sometimes it is better to pretend to be an extrovert than to actually be one.
• Contrary to popular belief, many of the best and most successful salespeople are introverts.  They have the one quality that guarantees effective salesmanship – the constant ability to listen rather than talk.

If you’re soft-spoken, quiet or downright shy, stop seeing it as a disadvantage.

Our world may seemingly reward the loud and aggressive, but quiet and authentic people are powerful in all phases of life if they can see their introverted traits as being the gift that they are.

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas” – Susan Cain.

Please share this thought with a friend who needs to hear it or a child whose life defends on it — Jerry

1. Every time you have a success of any kind, make a mental IOU for yourself.  I put them as notes on my smartphone.  Build the list and refer to it often.  Exceeded your sales quota?  Make an IOU note of it.  Helped your child through a rough time?  Another IOU.  They add up and they build confidence.  Review them often.
2. Do the thing you fear to do.  Paralysis by indecision is more deadly to self-confidence that making a bad decision.
3. Speaking of bad decisions, you’ll have them.  Embrace them.  Learn from them.  Each failure is temporary unless you stop trying.  Never fear failure.
4. Think less of what people might think of you and more of what you think of yourself.  Take five minutes upon rising each day to look into the mirror and ask “Am I the person I want to be?”
5. Failures, setbacks or misfortune are the things that makes us more confidant tomorrow.  Just surviving builds confidence if we let it.
6. See vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to accomplish.  Getting rich is not as effective a goal as seeing yourself in a beautiful house, nice car and surrounded by loving people.  Wishing for a promotion is not as much as a confidence builder as seeing your imaginary new business card “Vice President of …” with your name on it.
7. Take a compliment and repeat it often.  It is a flaw of being human that we repeat the negative things that hurt our confidence when there are so many positive thinks we too easily forget.

Thank you for letting me be part of your day!  I love to hear from you.  Jerry

When we say “no” very quickly, we are usually wrong. 

Experience proves that when we catch that word coming out of our mouth we have usually closed our minds to hearing something that is being said.

“No” is appropriate when we have considered the consequences, but it is often limiting when we react swiftly without forethought.

“I’m sure” is trickier.

When we say “I’m sure” it can mean that we’re not really sure.  We think we are sure.  Therefore when your response is “I’m sure of that”, take a second double check so you can have the evidence at hand to prove it.

When I was a TV reporter in Philadelphia, I was sent out on a story where torrential afternoon thunderstorms flooded a creek in a nearby county.

The assignment editor dispatched me with a crew to bring back the flooding on video.  Before leaving I asked if he was sure that the creek was overflowing.  

He said “I’m sure”.

But when I got to the scene, the water had subsided and there was no story at all – not that he didn’t make me bring one back anyway.  Hey, it’s TV.

“I’m sure” and “No” – red flags to beware of.

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