It’s not money.

What they want is cheaper than that, in fact, available at no cost and brings even greater satisfaction.

It’s appreciation.

Workplace surveys have reinforced this over the past four decades.

This is not to say money is not important.  It averages fourth on the list of important things. 

Only fourth.

The ability to have a say in conducting their jobs usually ranks second in employee workplace surveys.

Appreciation is the real carrot at the end of the stick.

A good employer can use this need as a way to motivate and reward good workers.  Be cognizant that appreciation is more powerful than more money.

Sincere, honest appreciation or else it is just manipulation and that can backfire.

P.S. – Appreciation is the one thing that trumps everything at home and in our personal relationships, too, so any time you spend time and effort becoming better at giving appreciation, the happier everyone will be.

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Often unhappy employees complain that if they knew the real description for the job they were hired to do, they would have never taken it.

To test whether the job you accepted is the job you still want, try the following.

Write an honest job description for the job you now hold in your own words. 

Read it to someone you trust and ask what they think of that job? 

Then, most importantly, compare your “real” current job description to that which your employer described to you during the interview process.

If your present job is not everything they described in writing – or happily better – it’s time to search for new employment.

Work occupies the majority of hours in our daily lives.

We are happiest when that time leads to satisfaction and accomplishment.

Money is not the entire story.

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Employers today expect one person to do more than one job. 

In some industries such as radio, workers are routinely required to do many jobs for multiple stations often at the same rate they were paid for doing one job.

McDonald’s is answering an employee lawsuit that alleges practices such as requiring minimum wage employees to pay for their own uniforms effectively plunging their salaries to below the minimum.  There are also allegations that employees are asked to clock in, clock out and wait until the restaurant gets busy so they can clock back in again.

How to handle working in a world where enough is not enough.

You may find it helpful to think of your favorite sport.  In hockey, for instance, you would never jump onto the ice and play with less intensity because your contract is not going to be renewed or because you are underpaid.  You play hard for the entire game.

That’s our answer as well.

Play hard no matter what the circumstances.  No one can ask more. 

Appreciate the effort you are putting in with pride because it says a lot about you.

And if the conditions repeatedly are more than a good person can handle, seek employment elsewhere with the knowledge that even under duress, you are a person who gives a least 100%.

That’s how you deal with employers who expect more than is humanly possible and who break their employees’ will by creating unbearable stress.

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Love their mother.

Love their father.

And demonstrate it.

Express the perception of love for their other parent (your spouse) and you will be doing more than anything money can buy for them.

When it is not possible to demonstrate love due to a divorce or other relationship problem at least show respect.

Family courts are filled with parents willing to tear their spouses apart for one reason or another.  No one wins this battle and children of the unfortunate marriage suffer in many ways. 

Litigants and lawyers alike are fond of saying that kids are resilient but psychologists would question the extent of their resilience.

Out of bad marriages come good people ready to live and love again.

But where there are children in our lives in families that are still whole, the most important thing is to love your children’s mother or father.

And respect is the most powerful antidote to helping them live through divorce.

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Tomorrow, the first 20 people who you encounter – even strangers – look them in the eye and say to yourself “bless you”.

That’s a hint from the Mayo Clinic physician and author Amit Sood who has written books about the unlocked power of our brain.

Even if these people you encounter are in a worse mood than you are.

“Bless You” (silently).

If you think this is a whole lot of psychobabble, think again. 

Dr. Sood says taking control of your own mood improves it, may positively affect others without knowing what you’ve done and most importantly, “bless you” to the first 20 people you see each day patterns the pre-frontal cortex of your brain – the part that among other important things is responsible for your good moods and wellbeing.

Do you dare try it?

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My best friend in the world was fond of paying me a compliment by saying, “JD, you’re a good man”.

Nothing has ever meant more to me.

I try to share this sentiment with people I want to compliment as well. 

“You’re a good woman”. 

“You’re a good person”.

“You’re a good friend”.

But there’s one more component.

Always provide evidence.

“You’re a good woman because you constantly care about others”.

“You are a good husband because you treat everyone equally”.

“You’re a good leader because you brought the best out of all of us. Without you we could not have succeeded”.

Sincerity is a must or else this good intention becomes a form of manipulation.

The simple sound of “you’re a good person” followed by evidence is the most effective form of appreciation I know.

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Even small things can turn into great anxiety.

And it starts with those butterflies we feel flying around inside of us.

Butterflies are a good thing.  Any of us who has ever made a presentation can testify that it means we care about doing our very best.

So think of butterflies as representing a great compliment.

But we want these nervous butterflies to fly in formation – not get out of control or lead to more serious anxiety.

Here are a few ways:

1. Think of ways that you have come up big in similar challenging situations and make an IOU to yourself to cash in when butterflies spread their wings.
2. Focus on the present not the past or future.  Ruminations about what may happen (that probably will not) or what happened before (which doesn’t mean it will happen again) are self-destructive.  Give yourself a break.
3. Say this over and over:  “I can handle anything that can happen” – that phrase is tantamount to pre-programming your brain to have confidence.
4. Never fear being human.  People admire a person who cares, appears sincere and is authentic – just like them. 

You will never meet a butterfly that you cannot control by getting them to fly in formation.

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Baby boomers went for to-do lists. 

Gen Xers for bucket lists.

Millennials are now embracing dream boards.

Boards that are assembled the way Carrie Mathison on Homeland slapped visual pictures of terrorists on her wall.

Except dream boards are about visualizing goals and passions and finding a way to accomplish them.

Millennials rarely use to-do lists. 

Baby boomers rarely use dream boards.

Gen Xers rarely use either.

Here’s how to get the best from all three:

1. Make a to-do list but then prioritize only the 20% of things that deliver 80% of the accomplishments.  Caution applies.  People who are expert at preparing to-do lists are often no better off than those who do not because they can become slaves to them.
2. Bucket lists work best when they are short – a few things rather than the fantasy of doing everything.  You can always add more.
3. Dream boards are an outstanding way to visualize dreams, hopes and goals and it works best when you can also visualize in your mind’s eye the pictures that are on your dream wall to take with you.

Whatever combination works best, focus 100% attention on fewer things that matter most.

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By postponing judgment on things we hear in communicating with others – even by as little as one second – our brains begin to become retrained to respond better.

Responding instead of reacting – all because we commit to waiting as little as a second before responding.

Brain scans confirm that the part of the brain that avoids histrionics or emotional responses that can cause talking past another individual is stimulated every time we can add even one second to our response time.

That means fewer arguments with spouses over topics that get a fast response instead of a relevant response.

Fewer disputes with bosses or associates over how to proceed at the workplace.

This does not mean that adding one second is tantamount to giving in.  It’s more like giving both sides a chance to digest what they’ve heard.

Brain research also shows that if we can postpone judgment for 1 second, we can eventually advance to 2 seconds and longer.

Whether we agree or disagree, relationships improve when we postpone judgment on what we think we heard.

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Gandhi said “There is more to life than increasing its speed”.

Nine tenths of all our stress is a result of excessive thoughts, hurry up living and our obsession to want everything that is pleasurable.

Material things.

Money.

The fear of losing money or status.

After all, you would think Bernie Madoff had enough money before he got involved in a Ponzi scheme but he became obsessed with the fear of losing what money meant to him.

Stress from fear of not keeping up.

Stress from living up to what we perceive others expect of us.

Stress from negative thinking that makes us restless and worried.

Stop the momentum.

Pay attention to that which is really important.

Slow down and enjoy today because it is all that matters.

When visiting the past or the future, do so temporarily and then return to the present.

Ironically, we generate more stress for ourselves than others who we perceive as those who are making us miserable.

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