How To Make More People Like You Instantly

If it’s all about you, enjoy it — alone.

If it’s about others, you will make and keep more friends than you ever thought was possible.

We think it’s normal to make the focus of life on us but doing so is an illusion.  We feel like we have lots of friends but do we really?  Followers are not necessarily friends.

We don’t number our friends – hey, I have 45 or whatever the number.

We value them one at a time.

There is one way to guarantee to make friends and keep them for a long time.  To enjoy rich relationships whether they are face to face or in our mobile social media world.

The secret is to become genuinely interested in other people.

Let them talk.  Ask them questions.  Reaffirm what you’re hearing or reading so they know you are really interested in what they say.

It takes a little self-control to hold back what we want to say but by talking in terms of the other person’s interests, you win a friend right away.  And often, they will reciprocate by showing the same kind of interest in us.

Taking time to care pays off instantly.

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Fear of Making a Decision

What if I make the wrong one?

What if the possible repercussions are worse than originally thought?

Will I make someone angry?

Good questions.  Bad approach to being decisive.

1.  There are no bad decisions.  Even when a decision seems to turn out wrong, other benefits may follow later.  Never forget that a decision is not judged immediately but over time and that can make all the difference.

2.  See vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to accomplish.  When we clearly see the benefit of an action, we are more likely to muster the courage to take that action.

3.  Avoid wallowing in self-doubt.  Set a reasonable timetable based on the importance of the decision you are wrestling with, gather all the facts and then act.

4.  Second guessing is useless. 

5.  Humans have more potential courage than they think they have and the best way to focus on this courage is to review the decisions we have made previously that worked out well.

6.  Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.  Fear of making a decision is usually more dangerous than making the actual decision.

“It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late” – Marilyn Moats Kennedy

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Confronting a Boss, Co-worker or Friend

Even the master of human relations did not believe people should sit silently by when they have pressing issues with others.

Dale Carnegie simply asked that we try tactful interaction as opposed to aggressively making enemies.

There is a three-stepped approach that can be very helpful the next time you find it necessary to confront an employer, co-worker, friend or even family member.

Step 1 – Name the issue in a phrase or sentence, no more.  Cutting to the chase by accurately articulating what’s wrong goes a long way.  Take responsibility for perhaps being part of the problem.  Avoid being accusatory or this conversation will blow up in your face.

Step 2 – Be a great listener in hearing the other person’s response.  In most confrontational situations, the accuser does all the talking and you see where that gets us.  Change it around.  Let the other person respond and listen intently – try not to interrupt.  Let them air it all out.  The other person has to know that you understand their perspective before you can move on to a resolution.

Step 3 – Say “how can we move forward from here now that we understand where each one of us is coming from?”  What’s the next step?  Get specific about how the two of you can abide by whatever is agreed to. 

Some people cannot be reasoned with.  So it’s best that we keep our expectations low. 

But often confronting another person is retribution for ill feelings that build up over time.  Try a different approach that allows for the potential of something positive to result when clear statements are made and both parties realize they want a resolution.

“When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.” – Abraham Lincoln

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If You’re Stuck in the Future

We are obsessed with the future.

What will happen when we get out of college, our next job, who will be the love of our life even what new features will be on the next iPhone one day after the latest one is introduced.

With all this pressure to think ahead, we have taught ourselves to make it difficult to live in the moment.

Everything we live for is here today – now.

What we want for the future is just conjecture until it happens in real-time.

Being stuck in the future is not so easy to change.  There isn’t one thought or action that will make us flip a switch and all of a sudden become Eckhart Tolle, the author of books on living in the now.

But there is hope and it’s very simple.

Look for things in the present to inhale, to become lost in – one thing a day, 365 a year. 

It’s probably something right in front of us that is getting lost as we continually look ahead.

What is the one thing occurring in your life that you want to focus on as it happens?

As D.H. Lawrence wrote, “The living moment is everything”.

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Dealing With Control Freaks & Critics

There is something in all of us that wants to get our way.

But when the desire to impose your desire on someone else becomes a compulsion, it ruins relationships and damages critical self-esteem.

Bosses do it when they abuse power and force everyone to think as they do. 

Power figures and parents often cross the line between being helpful and hurtful when they must have their way at all costs.

A friend of mine used to half jokingly say that what a wonderful world this would be if we could choose our parents.

For good outcomes in dealing with control freaks, consider this:

  1. When someone intimates or states that they know what is best for you, best to not believe it even if you are forced to carry out their will (from an employer, for example).
  2. Never let anyone program what gets recorded in that “digital chip” we call our brain.  Even a compliment.  When we allow others to say, “You must do it this way” or worse yet, say hurtful critical things if you resist, then do not let it into your mind.  When getting a compliment, you add it to your mind by using it to reiterate how you already feel about yourself or else risk being co-dependent to the person offering the compliment.
  3. Our brains tend to replay criticism rather than positive things, fill your head with positive statements that can be repeated all day.
  4. Never try to control a controller.  Be assertive but don’t let them turn you into what you don’t like about them.
  5. Say, “I appreciate hearing your thoughts, I’d like to share mine” for those close enough to appreciate your position because sometimes others may not be aware that they are as domineering. 
  6. Set boundaries.  Defend them respectfully.  If you get nowhere, refuse to discuss the topic further.
  7. Trying to control a controller at work makes life more stressful and will get you fired.  Make suggestions but defer to the boss until you can find other employment.

One more thing.

Sometimes we become the control freaks, but the solution is more readily treated by taking a dose of the following medicine:

“The best way to gain control is to give up control”.

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