How To Make People Like You

Money won’t do it.

Botox won’t either.

And power may actually turn people away.

The most reliable and predictable way to make others like us, no – love us – is to increase our humility.

Few think of things this way, but then again the world is increasingly filled with unhappy rich, successful and powerful people that others don’t like.

I know a wealthy TV personality who not only hands out gift cards to restaurants at holiday time to support personnel he comes in contact with daily, but stops and talks to everyone – from guard to janitor the other 364 days a year – calling them by name, inquiring about their families and showing genuine interest.

Or the surgeon who slips away on “vacation” to perform clef palate operations for needy children here and in other countries.

If we were judged not on how much money we have, or how much power we possess but by how humble we try to be, what would be our grade?

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4 Action Steps to a Happier Life

We have no problem buying a giant drink or a large portion of food when we’re hungry.

So could the menu for life be ordering up more of what we like the best?

Educators say, education is one of the few things in life where we want as little as possible for the money.  How many classes can I miss? 

Try that when you buy a car:  “Do I have to take the air conditioning that was included for the price of this vehicle”?  That’s never going to happen.  We’ll take as much as we can get for the money.

Life is no different.

Time to supersize life by doing more of the things that we want to do – the things that bring us pleasure, make us feel worthwhile, connect us to more people.

  1. If you don’t like your work, do something about it.  Work consumes the largest amount of our time so if we hate it, no wonder we’re not loving life.  Accept no excuses.  Don’t make any.  Pursue a new path.
  2. Spend more time with people you like and less time with people you don’t like.  I know, we can’t choose our relatives and sometimes we like our jobs but hate our bosses.  Think of it like this, if we increased the amount of time we spend with the people who make us happier, we’ve taken a second positive step toward supersizing our life.
  3. Always have something to look forward to.  My office is on a golf course and I often see the same people playing the same course over and over again.  They look miserable (Ha! They probably look up at me at my desk and say the same thing).  Never live a moment without something to aspire to – a new place to go, a new friend to make, something you’ve never experienced before.
  4. Finally, see how many accomplishments you can have each day.  A new recipe, solving a problem that has been plaguing you, breaking a sales record.  Accomplishments – not just big ones but little ones – all feel the same.  Good.

Four steps to a happier, more fulfilling life that is possible right now.

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  • Jerry
    Great bit of advice! Something I have always practiced…change the scenery, take a different route to work…mix it up. See what is out there in this great world to explore. Dream, imagine and live life to its fullest potential!!! 
    Have a great day!!!

Dealing With Criticism

Few respond positively to criticism.

That’s why Dale Carnegie’s most famous human relations principle is “don’t criticize, condemn or complain”.

Yet we all do it.

And it still doesn’t work.

What about constructive criticism?

It’s like being a good teacher.  The message will not be heard until the person on the receiving end wants to hear it.

According to Gregg Walker, Department of Speech Communication at Oregon State University, here are some guidelines for the critic:

  • Understand why you are offering the criticism
  • Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
  • Direct your criticism to the present not the past
  • Criticize the deed not the person

Guidelines for those on the receiving end of criticism:

  • Acknowledge criticism that focuses on your behavior
  • Work hard to avoid becoming defensive
  • Seek ownership of solutions
  • Use “I” messages to clearly communicate how you feel about the criticism

For more helpful guidelines, click here.

“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help” – Abraham Lincoln

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The Power of a Name

Dale Carnegie always said a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

And yet, we hardly use a person’s name.

Not in email.

Not in person.

Not in a restaurant when dealing with a waiter or waitress.

Not even with employees, associates and families.

If you’re up for it, go out of your way to use the person’s name you are addressing or communicating with.  They will like it – no, they will love it.  And just by being thoughtful, you will win their attention.

The world is becoming a massive collection of “friends’ on Facebook, followers and trendsetters.

In digital, in print or face-to-face, use a person’s name and you’ll get their attention without screaming.

Try it.

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Waiting To Succeed

When we think of patience, we often think of that fallibility lots of us have where we become impulsive and distracted.

There’s that and there’s the kind of patience that is required to succeed.

Perhaps it can be called resolve.

And almost everyone has some degree of resolve that was acquired through life’s experience.  It’s just a matter of digging down deep inside on-demand for more of it.

In baseball, great hitters wait for the “right” pitch – the one they can hit on their terms.  That’s why it is not unusual for a patient batter to foul off pitch after pitch to remain “alive” long enough to see the one pitch that they are looking for to hit out of the ballpark.

White Sox player Luke Appling fouled off 15 Bob Feller pitches during Feller’s 1940 opening day no-hitter.

The Phillies Richie Ashburn fouled off 14 straight pitches from Cincinnati hurler Corky Valentine in 1954 before drawing a walk.

Patience is not just waiting.

It is waiting to succeed.

“The two most powerful warriors are time and patience” — Tolstoy

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